Are you above the line or below the line?

This sentence quickly became one of the most essential questions of my leadership career.

If you’ve completed Conscious Leadership training in the past, you’ll know what I mean. If you haven’t, stick with me for a minute.

There will come a point in your career (you may already be there) where you’ll have mastered the fundamentals of product marketing. At this point, the job won’t actually be the job. The job will be to manage relationships, influence executives and motivate others.

And this is when the hard work really starts.

This past week, Jeff Hardison — VP of Product Marketing at Calendly — spoke to the PMM Camp community about this career unlock. During his session, he emphasized the importance of controlling our emotions and approaching challenging situations (those never happen in PMM, right 🫣) from a place of helpfulness, not skepticism.

It reminded me of one of my all-time favorite leadership books, The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.

The book has one important concept I want to share with you today. It’s called the Drama Triangle, and it’s going to help you lead from a place of calm rather than chaos.

I have a feeling, after today’s edition, you’ll be asking “are you above the line or below the line” more often.

The Drama Triangle

The Drama Triangle, developed by Stephen Karpman, describes three archetypes that people often fall into when faced with conflict or stress: the Victim, the Villain, and the Hero. Each role is reactive and unconscious (we don’t do this on purpose). But, it creates a cycle that keeps teams and leaders stuck in drama rather than moving forward.

Here’s how the roles break down:

• The Victim: This is the person who feels powerless. They believe that they’re at the mercy of external circumstances, often thinking, “Why is this happening to me?” They avoid responsibility and see problems as insurmountable.

• The Villain: The Villain assigns blame. Whether pointing fingers at others or at themselves, they focus on what’s wrong, seeing the world through the lens of judgment and criticism.

• The Hero: The Hero steps in to rescue, offering quick fixes to make themselves (and others) feel better temporarily.

These roles perpetuate a cycle of reactivity and limit your ability to create conscious, productive outcomes (remember, they happen unconsciously).

As PMM leaders, we frequently navigate complex, high-stakes situations, like missed launch dates, product setbacks, or internal team friction. Here’s how the roles might show up for us in these scenarios:

• Victim: When a product launch doesn’t hit expectations, we might feel like everything’s beyond our control. “It’s out of my hands — sales didn’t use our value propositions and pitch deck.” This mindset keeps us from finding solutions or taking proactive steps.

• Villain: We might be quick to place blame on others when things go wrong. “If only the team had listened to me, we wouldn’t be in this mess!” This leads to blame and breaks down trust across teams.

• Hero: How often have you jumped in to "fix" something? Maybe you wrote that launch email yourself rather than coaching your team to handle it. Or you had the uncomfortable conversation with product so your team didn’t need to. Personally, I’ve been super guilty of this in the past. But, in the end, this short-term thinking prevents growth and accountability.

Moving Beyond the Drama Triangle

To step out of the Drama Triangle, we need to embrace what The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership calls the "Creator Triangle". This new triangle also has three roles:

• Creator: Instead of seeing problems as burdens, the Creator sees them as opportunities. They ask, “What can I do to shift this situation?” For PMM leaders, this might mean reframing product challenges as chances to realign on positioning or discover new market insights.

• Challenger: Rather than blaming, the Challenger focuses on constructive feedback. They ask, “How can we all grow from this?”

• Coach: Instead of swooping in to save the day, the Coach empowers others to find their own solutions. This might mean encouraging your team to think critically about a launch plan or guiding them through the decision-making process you would follow, rather than just providing all the answers.

Breaking free from the Drama Triangle isn’t easy, but as product marketers, it’s essential if we want to foster a culture of responsibility, respect, and collaboration.

Next time you find yourself in a high-pressure situation, take a moment to reflect: am I slipping into Victim, Villain, or Hero? How can I shift toward being a Creator, Challenger, or Coach instead?

Still confused about where the “above the line/below the line” comes in? You’ll need to read the book for that one. It’s worth it, I promise.

CAMPER ESSENTIALS

📚 Reading List: In completely unrelated news, I have finally caved into #BookTok peer pressure and picked up a copy of ACOTAR. You’ll find me reading all weekend.

🎧 Playlist: Back to today’s scheduled programming. Want to dig deeper into the Drama Triangle? I highly recommend this 3-minute explainer video.

🍕 Snacks: It’s Turkey Day here in Canada this weekend. I’m anti-bird, but I’ll take any opportunity to eat pie. Picking up an apple one at the pumpkin patch this weekend.

This Canadian Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for all (7,000!) of you.